I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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