our cab driver is having phone sex.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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