We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
