Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
