just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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