Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
