i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
