rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
