I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
