first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
