Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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