i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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