My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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