He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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