I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
