Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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