Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
