Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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