There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize