I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.