youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
