You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
time to smoke my breakfast
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
