worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize