She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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