I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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