bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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