im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
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I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we're so committed to being not committed
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