the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
