U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
