am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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