Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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