It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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