I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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