JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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