those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
