im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
