Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
