Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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