Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
