mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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