Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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