Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
