I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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