and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
