after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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