i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
