I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
