Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
