I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
