You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
