But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
