Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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