I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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