No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
