She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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