im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
