I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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